I read a Facebook post that I believe stirred up a conviction in me. I won't be able to quote it verbatim, but I believe it went something like this....."Everything is not meant to be revealed. You have to keep some things to yourself so that God can cover you and so that you won't be criticized." This post got me to thinking long and hard. I began searching my heart, asking God and myself, "How much is too much?"
I love to write. I've always kept with me, every since I was fifteen years old, a journal to write down my thoughts. And at that point in time of my life, I was a sexually active teenager. I wrote about things that I did. I wrote poems. I wrote how I was feeling. And I can vaguely remember not wanting anyone to find what I called my "diary". In fact, when I got a little older, before moving out of my Mom's house, I also remember burning some of those diaries. I had a fear that whoever would find them would think that I was one messed up individual. I was not happy with who I was. I didn't even know myself. I knew that I had issues going on inside, and writing was my way to process and deal with it all.
Today, I still write. Journals that I wrote in my twenties, I still have. Every now and then, I open one of those journals and read over the things I wrote. Relationships, permiscuity, self-esteem issues, being a single mom all these things fill the lines on those pages. And I was ashamed of me. I wanted noone to find out who I really was inside. What made me keep these? you ask. There was a point-and-time in my life when at the time I was ashamed of myself, I was hiding. I hid even from my children. Which to me I wasn't really hiding at all. In other words, what I allowed myself to go through, even they experienced. I hid from the people outside. The things that I didn't want anyone to know I wrote in my journals and prayed to God that noone would find them. Eventually, I got tired of hiding. I didn't want to hide anymore. And now today I'm sharing my story.
I believe that everybody goes through things in life for a reason. They serve a purpose whether good or bad. The thing is that we learn from it all. Today, I'm better than what I was at that point in my life. I know who I am. I know why I'm here. God has called me. And because I seek to glorify Him with my life, I believe that the story that I tell of my life is one that will help some other woman or man, boy or girl. So again, I ask "How much is too much?" Have I blogged about things that I should be keeping to myself? Have what I've blogged about given my readers a moment to think otherwise that who I am outside is not who I portray to be inside? "How much is too much?"
Everyday we encounter people who tell you things that they are going through right now in their lives. And at some moment, if you're like me, you begin to say in your heart that you've gone through that same thing. But unlike you or me, the other person hasn't figured out how to overcome that yet. Then your heart gets stirred to want to lend to this person and encouraging word. You may even decide to share your own experience and suggestions about practical steps they can take to move forward. You may even feel led to offer your hand of help in doing something for them. Because you know all to well the circumstance they are facing after having gone through it yourself. My friend, this is what I mean about my life's story helping someone else.
This Facebook post though, got me to thinking long and hard. I never want to be from up under the covering of such a loving Father. And I never ever want to put myself in a position to be criticized. The word of God says to let my light so shine before men that they may see my good works and glorify my Father in heaven. This scripture alone is the reason I asked the question. And I know that prayer and meditation on the word of God will clear up this conviction I felt if it was a conviction at all. Sometimes the things we think or convictions are really condemnations and our condemnations are usually convictions. Thank God for discernment. Blessings.
~Erica
Let your light so shine before men,
that they may see your good works and
glorify your Father in heaven.
(Matthew 5:16)
