tHE 1st of Many

Flawed

    I've been thinking about my life lately since I've been born-again. I gave my life to Christ in the year December 2006. That was almost 6 1/2 years ago. And the reason I mention it is this....I'm still flawed. It's funny, because I was just about to type that not much in my life has changed since then. That would be a lie because it has. It really has. It's just so many other areas that are still affected. So to me, that means that not much has changed. I guess, not what I would hope to have changed by now.

     I love the Lord! The woman with the alabaster box, who anointed the feet of Jesus, is me in the 21st Century. I have been forgiven of so much by God (shaking my head as I type). I will never forget that. I can't. Because I know that I don't keep myself. He keeps me. But as I examine my life, I just believe that I should be so much more ahead than where I am. Truth be told, I'm a hinderance to myself. Things that should be minor in my life, I have made to be major. I major in minors. I don't like to accept my responsibility on things that I know should have priority in my life. I am addicted to convenience. I don't want to do anything that is going to require me doing it everyday. I want to do it once and let it be. And as I live, I see that this cannot be so. So I ask myself where do I start and I plan to begin, only to have not really done anything at all. I'm flawed!

     Being married to my husband has taught me some things. One is that I have to watch the wording of my words. The way that you respond to certain situations in your life can determine whether you have moved forward or whether you are still stuck in your mess. It shows in your words. For example.... I cannot have a desire to lose weight and respond with, "Im gonna try to lose weight." No, my response should be, "I'm going to lose weight!". The first way says that my mind isn't made up. The second says that it is. I have learned that.

  The reason I mention this is because this is how I've been living my life before God. I've been saying the "I'm gonna try's" vs. saying the "I'm gonna do's". All the while, I've been setting myself up for failure the whole time. Grant it be, one thing that I have not said that I was gonna try was live my life for God. No, it's a given. It's a must. I need Him like I need the very breath that He gives. He is my breath. My mind is made up. It's my stewardship, accountability, and responsibility that is flawed. This causes me to beat up on myself a lot. Because I want to look perfect before the eyes of men, which is a major flaw. But God, God I know has delivered me. I just need to make up my mind and walk in that deliverance. I have not fully counted the cost of my walk before Him. And my life as well as husband, children, and those around me truly suffer for that. I have noone to blame but me.