Exposed

Realizing What I've Done

     This morning as I was reading the proverb for today, I came across one verse that really stuck out at me. I mean, it convicted me to my heart. And that was when I realized what I've done.

 

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,

 when it is in the power of your hand to do so.

(Proverbs 3:27)

 

     I have been robbing my family of my best. I have not been as good to them as I know I can be. Now you may ask, "How can I be sure?" I'm just gonna say, "Trust me, I know!" I know because I live this life everyday. I know what I do and don't do. I know the things that I put effort into and the things that I don't. And one thing that I have not put effort into is my family. It's a sad thing to say, but it's a hard truth. By admitting it, I am setting myself free to make room for God to be able to do something about it. Grant it be, I do have my part to do by looking to Him and obeying His command. In this area, I must step back and allow myself to follow as He leads me to making this right before Him, my husband and my children. I need to sit before them all and confess my fault.

 

 

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,

 that ye may be healed.......

(James 5:16)

 

     Admitting when I'm wrong has never been an easy thing for me to do. My pride just wouldn't allow it. Over the years of my walk with God, I have learned that I become the bigger person in taking the first step in making things right. It's my responsibility. Even when I know that I have done nothing wrong, I find nothing harmful with humbling myself while asking God to reveal to me if I am the cause of strife. Whether I am the cause or not, I still make it right. You may say, "Why, Erica?" It's the right thing to do. No, I don't want to do it all the time. Who does? But I must. Because I have to stand before my Creator. Most importantly, I'm grateful to God for all that He has done. I know that my Father above loves me so much that it behooves me to do the right thing. Another, thing, if I don't make things right, then I'm walking in unforgiveness.

 

     Now that He has revealed to me my fault that I have committed against my family out of pure selfishness, I must set about as I always do (or try to do) and make it right. I love my family, contrary to what people believe. I guess they say, "If you do, it will show." Well it will. I serve the Most High God. My faith is in Him. As long as I continue to look to Him, I know that He will be the strength I need.

 

 

 





tHE 1st of Many

Flawed

    I've been thinking about my life lately since I've been born-again. I gave my life to Christ in the year December 2006. That was almost 6 1/2 years ago. And the reason I mention it is this....I'm still flawed. It's funny, because I was just about to type that not much in my life has changed since then. That would be a lie because it has. It really has. It's just so many other areas that are still affected. So to me, that means that not much has changed. I guess, not what I would hope to have changed by now.

     I love the Lord! The woman with the alabaster box, who anointed the feet of Jesus, is me in the 21st Century. I have been forgiven of so much by God (shaking my head as I type). I will never forget that. I can't. Because I know that I don't keep myself. He keeps me. But as I examine my life, I just believe that I should be so much more ahead than where I am. Truth be told, I'm a hinderance to myself. Things that should be minor in my life, I have made to be major. I major in minors. I don't like to accept my responsibility on things that I know should have priority in my life. I am addicted to convenience. I don't want to do anything that is going to require me doing it everyday. I want to do it once and let it be. And as I live, I see that this cannot be so. So I ask myself where do I start and I plan to begin, only to have not really done anything at all. I'm flawed!

     Being married to my husband has taught me some things. One is that I have to watch the wording of my words. The way that you respond to certain situations in your life can determine whether you have moved forward or whether you are still stuck in your mess. It shows in your words. For example.... I cannot have a desire to lose weight and respond with, "Im gonna try to lose weight." No, my response should be, "I'm going to lose weight!". The first way says that my mind isn't made up. The second says that it is. I have learned that.

  The reason I mention this is because this is how I've been living my life before God. I've been saying the "I'm gonna try's" vs. saying the "I'm gonna do's". All the while, I've been setting myself up for failure the whole time. Grant it be, one thing that I have not said that I was gonna try was live my life for God. No, it's a given. It's a must. I need Him like I need the very breath that He gives. He is my breath. My mind is made up. It's my stewardship, accountability, and responsibility that is flawed. This causes me to beat up on myself a lot. Because I want to look perfect before the eyes of men, which is a major flaw. But God, God I know has delivered me. I just need to make up my mind and walk in that deliverance. I have not fully counted the cost of my walk before Him. And my life as well as husband, children, and those around me truly suffer for that. I have noone to blame but me.