How Much Is Too Much?

I read a Facebook post that I believe stirred up a conviction in me. I won't be able to quote it verbatim, but I believe it went something like this....."Everything is not meant to be revealed. You have to keep some things to yourself so that God can cover you and so that you won't be criticized." This post got me to thinking long and hard. I began searching my heart, asking God and myself, "How much is too much?"

I love to write. I've always kept with me, every since I was fifteen years old, a journal to write down my thoughts. And at that point in time of my life, I was a sexually active teenager. I wrote about things that I did. I wrote poems. I wrote how I was feeling. And I can vaguely remember not wanting anyone to find what I called my "diary". In fact, when I got a little older, before moving out of my Mom's house, I also remember burning some of those diaries. I had a fear that whoever would find them would think that I was one messed up individual. I was not happy with who I was. I didn't even know myself. I knew that I had issues going on inside, and writing was my way to process and deal with it all.

Today, I still write. Journals that I wrote in my twenties, I still have. Every now and then, I open one of those journals and read over the things I wrote. Relationships, permiscuity, self-esteem issues, being a single mom all these things fill the lines on those pages. And I was ashamed of me. I wanted noone to find out who I really was inside. What made me keep these? you ask. There was a point-and-time in my life when at the time I was ashamed of myself, I was hiding. I hid even from my children. Which to me I wasn't really hiding at all. In other words, what I allowed myself to go through, even they experienced. I hid from the people outside. The things that I didn't want anyone to know I wrote in my journals and prayed to God that noone would find them. Eventually, I got tired of hiding. I didn't want to hide anymore. And now today I'm sharing my story.

 I believe that everybody goes through things in life for a reason. They serve a purpose whether good or bad. The thing is that we learn from it all. Today, I'm better than what I was at that point in my life. I know who I am. I know why I'm here. God has called me. And because I seek to glorify Him with my life, I believe that the story that I tell of my life is one that will help some other woman or man, boy or girl. So again, I ask "How much is too much?" Have I blogged about things that I should be keeping to myself? Have what I've blogged about given my readers a moment to think otherwise that who I am outside is not who I portray to be inside? "How much is too much?"

Everyday we encounter people who tell you things that they are going through right now in their lives. And at some moment, if you're like me, you begin to say in your heart that you've gone through that same thing. But unlike you or me, the other person hasn't figured out how to overcome that yet. Then your heart gets stirred to want to lend to this person and encouraging word. You may even decide to share your own experience and suggestions about practical steps they can take to move forward. You may even feel led to offer your hand of help in doing something for them. Because you know all to well the circumstance they are facing after having gone through it yourself. My friend, this is what I mean about my life's story helping someone else.

This Facebook post though, got me to thinking long and hard. I never want to be from up under the covering of such a loving Father. And I never ever want to put myself in a position to be criticized.  The word of God says to let my light so shine before men that they may see my good works and glorify my Father in heaven. This scripture alone is the reason I asked the question. And I know that prayer and meditation on the word of God will clear up this conviction I felt if it was a conviction at all. Sometimes the things we think or convictions are really condemnations and our condemnations are usually convictions. Thank God for discernment. Blessings.

~Erica

Let your light so shine before men,

that they may see your good works and

glorify your Father in heaven.

(Matthew 5:16)

Wait on God

Patiently

My oldest daughter is twelve years old. Every since she's been born she's had an excessive amount of hair on her body. Let's just say, now that she's older, hair has matured. One area of this maturation, if that's a word, is on her legs and under her arms. She doesn't like to wear shorts because she feels she will be picked on.

One day, I taught her how to shave. This was her first experience of shaving. Stay with me people, I'm going somewhere with this I promise. I then stated to her, as my rule because of her age, that she is not to shave anymore unless I am present. I want to make sure she's careful and will not harm herself. She agreed to this rule. Once the hair started growing back, she asked me to help her shave again. But because the timing wasn't right (and the fact that we share one bathroom with about eight other people), I told her we would have to wait. In fact, everytime she asked me, this was the response I gave. Then......I guess she got impatient.

I discovered one day that she had shaven under her arms and her legs again. This was because I went to use my shaving cream and discovered that it was almost empty. And I asked her if she had shaven. She told me she did. So I asked her what I had said about the rule I had given her. She got quiet on me. I still to this day have yet to talk to her about this situation. But as I have been pondering it in my head, I discovered a valuable lesson in this. God wants us to wait patiently for Him to manifest His promises in our lives.

I know that this is a place where we've all been. We've been promised something by God or someone and that promise took forever to come. Or it seemed that it would never come. So we've gotten impatient and took matters into our own hands and decided we would go get that thing ourselves. I told you I was going somewhere with this (smile). Let me provide an example of what I'm talking about: Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham for the bearing of a child. God told Abraham that he would bear a son with Sarah. And because they could not wait for God's perfect timing, they created Ishmael, a child born from Sarah's maidservant Hagar. (Genesis 16:1-4)

Ishmael was not the child of the promise God made to Abraham. But because they did not wait on God, Ishmael was born. Hagar despised Sarah because she was able to conceive and Sarah wasn't. This was the consequence that resulted from being impatient. And everyday they had to live with that for the rest of their lives.

When I look at this situation with my daughter, I'm reminded of this moment in history. No it's not the same circumstance. But the message is the same. My daughter got tired of waiting on me to help her shave to where she decided to do it herself. All I keep thinking is what could have been the consequences from her actions. She could have taken off a slab of skin or cut into a vein. I praise God that neither happened. I am not a stickler for this saying but..... "What if"?

I relate this moment to a moment of counting the cost. Abraham and Sarah didn't count the cost of their actions before they took the matter away from God and put it in their own hands. And I don't believe that my daughter did either. My reaction to finding out that she disobeyed me was calm. But I could have had a different reaction. I guess that I'm saying all of this just to get you to understand that we need to wait on God. Because we get caught up in the "now" moment when God sees the whole (bigger) picture.

God doesn't allow certain things to take place no matter how much we ask for them or think we are ready for them. He sees that the timing may not be perfect or our attitude about what we are asking for isn't right. He sees the motive for the thing in our hearts while all we are looking at is the fact that we want it and want it now. As I stated earlier in this post. I have yet to talk to my daughter. But I had to share what I feel God has laid on my heart about this situation. And my prayer is that you will see the need to be patient enough to wait on God's promises. Let us not take matters into our own hands to get what we want. Let us count the cost. Because although we think that we will be able to handle the consequence of what comes from our actions....... the truth is, if we take it from God's hands, it will be harder for us to bear.

~ Erica

³⁴ Wait on the Lord,
And keep His way,
And He shall exalt you to inherit the land;
When the wicked are cut off, you shall see it.

(Psalm 37:34)

Lasting Memories

Worth Creating

Today, I went to "Mother's Day Tea" at my daughter's school. It was a special day for mothers to come and spend time with their children, have tea, read books, and eat cookies (yum!). It was a day I really enjoyed. Upon, leaving, God showed me something about this day. He showed me that "doing things with your children will create lasting memories that they won't ever forget." This spoke volumes to me.

To me, this is one of the many events of my child's life that has set a foundation for her to build upon. And not just her alone, my other children as well. The things I do with them will also set the same foundation in their lives. Believe it or not, children look forward to their parents coming to their special events and doing things with them. And although most of these things don't seem important to us, they are important to our children. 

Another thing I realized about this special event is that one day, my children will become mothers and fathers. They too will have their own children. They too will have to do or endure the same things we have to do right now today. And the way what we do with them effects them today will be the same way, if not better, they will effect their children in the future.

What kind of memories do you have of the days when you were young and going to school? What events did you want your mom or dad to come to? What feeling did you have when they did come? What feeling did you have when they didn't? This one event made me think about this. Grant it be, I've been to plenty of special events that my children have had over their years of being in school. But sometimes we don't realize the importance of certain things until months or years later. Mom, Dad, there is nothing wrong with that. It happens to the best of us. I call it a growing stage. A moment where we come to the realization of how much we appreciate that moment. A counted blessing.

I thank my Father above for allowing me to experience that moment of being a mom, and creating a memory my daughter will never forget. I've acknowledged within my heart that these are the memories I want my children to be able to think back on. These are the kinds of seeds that I want to plant that will reap a harvest of love in their children's lives. No, not every memory they have will be as this one. But this one and others like this one, I hope and pray, will outweigh the ones that aren't. Blessings.

~ Erica